LifeStyle Solutions by Denise C Williams

Recreation... Re-Creation

2008-05-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

In re-creation, I balance my life with time-out.
I breath deeply and re-create my center of wellness.

Is Your Blackberry Causing Stress?!

2008-02-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

The Blackberry outage last month put some people who rely heavily on email access over the edge! We depend on these technological wonders to help us keep up with our busy lifestyles and when they go out, it is naturally very distressing. It can be a real catastrophe for some people. One of the most common stressors is unpredictable events that cause some major frustration.

This reminds me of a visit to my mother's house last summer. Mom is 80 and now when she visits we try to fly out to Florida to escort her, rather than leave her to fend for herself in the airport. Now the airport can be about as frustrating as life gets especially if you are not used to traveling on a regular basis. Imagine how unpredictable airport life can be and then times that by 10 for the elderly. It's just not that easy if you can't run to the "new gate" or the announcements are spoken too quickly or not at all.

Anyway, back to the subject! Mom mentioned to me how complicated life is now. The subject came up several times during the trip and when you think about it, with the advent of all our technology, gadgets and "conveniences" it makes you wonder what is the price we pay for all the "convenience" that is supposed to make our lives so simple?

"Simple?!" Mom would say. "Have you ever been locked out of your on-line banking account? It sure is nice of them to let you store your password, but just try to remember it after you've had it 'stored away' for years." "What was the answer to that security question?" and "What do you mean this does not match your records?!"

Technology changes faster than most people can keep up with it all. I heard a gentleman on the airplane complain: "I was perfectly happy with the old Blackberry and some genius decided to improve things. Now I can't get my calls!" Boy, was he stressed out! Everyday something newer and better comes along. You are expected to adjust whether you want to or not.

The world is spinning so fast that sometimes we feel we might just spin right off of it. We all feel that way from time to time. At some point in time, it might be a good idea to take a deep breath and list every technologically advanced, "just can't do without" toy and tool you use. Look at the list. See how many "things" you really need in order to function and whether the price you are paying for them is more than the balance in your peace-of-mind checkbook. If your account is in the red, maybe its time for downsizing.
Peace!
Denise C. Williams, CLC
mailto:denisew@lifestylesols.com

LifeStyle, Attitude & Relationships

2007-11-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

Enjoying the Journey - Choosing Your People to Empower Your Progress

It sounds cliche'. You’ve heard it before. “Life is not just a destination, it’s a journey,” and “Enjoy the journey!”

So, who are the five people in your life that you have invited on your journey? You know, those that you associate with on a regular basis: friends, family, your spouse, co-workers, acquaintances.

Are they upbeat, positive and encouraging people?

If not, you are in need of investing in some fine tuning. You know, a tune-up, an oil and lube job, some new spark plugs? Perhaps a little maintenance to make the journey a little more reliable or smoother?

An investment on your part by expanding your circle to include at least two additional positive, supportive, optimistic people will encourage confidence and add new smiles in your day. Adding people that support and nurture your journey empowers you to obtain your goals, encourages a healthy outlook, and will energize your spirit.

Adding some new friends does not mean that you have to suddenly disconnect from those other people that are not as supportive as you’d like. Each person you have grown to know has some redeeming qualities, or you would not have invited them along to begin with!

As with any worthwhile investment, you’ll need to invest something to obtain a valuable return. In this case your investment will be some of your time and your own enthusiastic support. One way to start to nurture a positive relationship is to BE that person to others. One example would be inviting a new person to lunch and being a great listener as well as a talker.

Be patient but persistent in finding a few new supportive people in your life. Spend some time this week thinking of ways you can meet supportive, like-minded people and then take steps to connect with them. Before long, you’ll find yourself surrounded by upbeat, enthusiastic people you admire. They will admire and respect you and help you be all that you envision for yourself.

Change your attitude, change your life.
Denise C. Williams, CLC
denisew@lifestylesols.com

The Courage to Step Out of the Darkness and Into the Light

2007-06-21T15:35:00.000-07:00

By chance I met up with an old and dear friend of 20 some years recently. In days gone by, we were very close, but as time passed we moved on to new lives and had lost touch for more than a decade. It was really wonderful to hear of all the adventures he had lived especially the stories of his experiences in the Peace Corps in Africa. Some of those adventures seemed pretty scary to me but he told them with a contagious enthusiasm that made them seem entertaining and soon I was wondering how a person could be so comfortable in such precarious circumstances. I thought to myself that should I take such a risk living, I might develop PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) thinking of what could have happened!

Some people just have the urge to do something fantastic and edgy. My friend said he was at a point in his life that he now describes as "bored" when he decided to join the Peace Corps. His relationships were unsatisfying and he felt stuck in every area of his life. He said he needed to "shake up" his world.

Many people get bored when their life seems to be stagnating. Some feel the need to know a higher purpose, to be contributing to something bigger, to be doing more with their life. A darkness seems to loom around them. They feel it there. It is sometimes described as being "blue" or having "mild depression." To be sure, without these feelings of despair or being "blue", there would be little incentive to pick yourself up and move towards your true calling.....
These "dark" times can be the perfect time to begin a new chapter in your life...to look beyond the darkness of your feelings and decide to find the light in your life. Recognizing and admitting how you feel and then making a decision to find the light in your life takes courage. It can be more comfortable to continue an unpleasant lifestyle than to take the first step out of the box, out of your comfort zone.
Can you visualize taking that first step? When you truly step into the light, you begin to live with enthusiasm. You can do anything, including living a satisfying and meaningful life. It takes courage to take that first step. It means leaving codependent relationships with stress, anger, unforgiving and unhealthy habits of self abuse behind.

You have the courage within you.

Peace,
Denise C. Williams, CLC
denisew@lifestylesols.com

Getting a Handle on Daily Stress

2007-05-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

Stress Management is a process that encompasses focusing on lifestyle -- that is the interaction of our thoughts and feelings, our behaviors, values and attitudes. Addressing stress holistically includes all aspects of not only the way we perceive and react to events that cause stress, but also the role of nutrition, activity levels and exercise.

It is common for most people to view stress as something that should be eliminated in their lives. But stress presents itself, not only the in daily upsets we perceive but also in happy events.

Keeping a written record is known as "self monitoring." People that keep good written records are far more likely to see positive results. Why? Writing things down raises your awareness of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It also helps you to identify "triggers" or what causes stress for YOU.

Most stress is a result of our thoughts about a situation. Writing down your stressful situations will help you focus on how you feel, will enable you to decide whether your reaction was appropriate and will help you to practice visualizing how you might better handle the same type of situation in the future should you need to make some adjustments.

We recommend you begin self-monitoring your "stress events" for at least one week, using a rating scale of 8 (major) to 1 (no biggie)........it's just one first step but change is a "step-wise" process...

" Great things" are done "by a series of small things brought together." (- Vincent van Gogh)

Denise C. Williams, CLC
Denisew@lifestylesols.com

Negative Stress: Coping with Disappointment

2007-04-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

When in your recent past, say the last few months, have you found yourself truly disappointed in something or someone? Really. Think about it. Was it someone at work, a family member, an acquaintance or the commute traffic or the airport or the nightly news?

I remember my disappointment on the first day of my married life.....it was on my honeymoon. If you have ever been involved in planning a wedding, you know you can really go overboard trying to make everything perfect. I'll never forget how excited I was that my new husband and I would be taking our first trip to Hawaii. I'll also never forget how disappointed we were when we got to our gate in San Francisco early in the morning to find our flight had been canceled! In retrospect, it was just a hiccup, but it didn't seem so at the time.

Whether its a little disappointment or a big one, disappointment can contribute to negative stress, so let's take a look at what contributes to why we react the way we do and how we can prevent and cope with some of the negative stress in our lives.

Our expectations - in relationships - the situation is that we "expect" a person to behave or act in a certain way. We want and expect the husband or wife, family member, old or new friend, a boss, co-worker, or the person driving the car in the next lane to be all we have wanted them to be: kind, loving, open, cheerful, a courteous driver... whatever! Instead, they don't measure up to "our" self-imposed expectations. The disappointment can create enough anger and resentment to really cause the adrenaline to flow! Or even lead to some mild depression.

But, if we can let go of expecting a person to "measure up" to our own expectations and love them enough to let them be who they are, our perspective of that person/situation can change and when you change your perspective you will release the negative stress.

If your answer to our question involves a person or relationship, try this for the next few days: when you find yourself disappointed in the way the person has treated you, tell yourself they may have a self-contrived good reason and let it go. See if practicing this will keep your anger and anxiety at bay.

Our expectations - of our daily lives or our world - you've seen the news and the situation seems very dark and dire. Very disappointing! After all we are all civilized human beings, right? That is rightly what we should expect and disappointment might enable you to make a difference by spurring you to action.

But, suppose you take a trip and get stuck in an airport. It's chaos, your tired, you just want to go home and you can't. You have so many things to do waiting for you there. Here you are clear across the country or worse yet, in another country! This situation is definitely very disappointing! It makes you angry, irritated. You don't eat right because there is no food available. Again, we expect things to go according the plan.. After all, your ticket says you are going to be home on time. What is your reaction? Do you bark orders and questions to the airline staff? Do you sit there and focus on how awful it is? If you do that chances are your body will again start cascading adrenaline and a host of other not-so-wonderful hormones. It wreaks havoc on your immune system and you will probably not be able to fight off those airline germs because of it. You might find yourself finally home, nursing a cold or the flu. It has happened to all of us.

Can you trace your response back to your expectations or the reaction you have to not being in control of the situation and outcome? If you are used to being in control, this can really bother you.

One recommended stress management tool for this type of situation, is to realize in advance, what may happen and understand it and prepare for it. Can you make a list of helpful hints to remember before you go? Such as: get your seats assigned early when possible. Take along a few extra reading materiel you like, an MP3 player or IPOD or portable CD player with favorite music or better yet, a guided meditation CD will pass the time, block out some of the noise and cool your jets! Plan ahead!

I like "Meditations for Emotional Freedom" by Gael Chiarella, which you can get at Barnes & Nobel or Amazon.

What works for you?

Change your perspective, change your life......

Peace,
Denise Williams, CLC
Denisew@lifestylesols.com

Procrastination Contributes to Stress!

2007-03-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

"I'll do it later".... "I deserve to enjoy this day and I shouldn't have to do this"...."I'll have more than enough time later to do this."

Does this sound like you sometimes or are you constantly putting things off until your task becomes so urgent you have no choice?

As April 15 draws near, many folks find that they are facing the consequences of putting things off or procrastination. Taxes aren't the only thing procrastinators put off. It could be a big project at work, making a phone call to a family member, finding a new job or confronting the stack of mail piling up on the counter. To be sure, everyone procrastinates from time-to-time.

Here are 3 types of procrastination taken from Mastering Stress 2001, a Lifestyle Approach by Barlow, Rappee and Reisner:

"Type I procrastination: You may dislike doing a particular task or project;
Type II procrastination: You may expect to feel stress or anxiety about the finished product;
Type III procrastination: You may not know where to begin. The more you think about the task, the longer you let it go....."

If you are a Type I procrastinator, here are four things you can do to help overcome the problem:

admit to yourself you don't like doing the task and that you are procrastinating;
in one column write down each reason why you hate doing this task;
in another column, write down a positive reason for getting the job done;
set specific goals, in a stepwise fashion, for getting the job done. For example: work on it for 10 minutes (or longer) each day until the job is done and then plan a specific reward for yourself when finished.

Finally, if you find there are some jobs you really hate after going through this exercise, think of other ways you can get the job done. Some tasks can be handled by hiring someone to do it. If you can't afford to hire someone, realize everyone has to do things they don't like to do!

Focus on how good you will feel when this is done instead of complaining. Attitude can make a world of difference.

Denise Williams, CLC

Denisew@lifestylesols.com

http://www.lifestylesols.com

Emotional Eating

2007-01-22T13:35:00.000-08:00

Every one of my clients at one time or another discovers that over-eating is inexplicably tied to stressful periods in their day, month or year.

Awareness of "triggers" that inspire binges of consumption of food and drink is key to weight loss and weight control over a lifetime. So let's examine what defines emotional eating and we'll follow that with some lifestyle strategies that will help you to stay on track and avoid the pitfalls.

Most emotional eating begins with strong underlying emotions that drive the eating behavior.

1. Vengeful eating begins with some form of anger that the person cannot express overtly. Vengeful eaters often grab for crunchy/spicy foods like chips, salsa, hard cookies and will eat them for a period of time until either the anger passes, the food is gone or their conscience starts nattering at them to stop.

2. Sad eating begins with self-talk that occurs between the sadness and the first mouthful of food and often leads to "comfort foods" (often softer foods) such as ice cream, mom's old home cooking such as pies, sweets, extra helpings of potatoes, etc.

3. Celebratory eating occurs people find themselves in social situations and use food and alcohol to feed a happy mood or to "loosen up." After a drink or two, it is easy to graze on the appetizers and lose track....even so, a celebratory eater relies on food for comfort and finds it difficult to celebrate without food.

Do you recognize those times in your life that might cause you to overeat and if so, what can you do to minimize the damage?

Here are some actions that have worked for others:

1) be sure to write down everything you eat in log or pad of paper, that way you can examine your habits and target change;

2) verbalize your feelings in a constructive way instead of holding your feelings inside;

3) unwind after work by doing easy stretches for 5 to 10 minutes while listening to music;

4) enlist support from friends or find a good counselor.

What other ideas work for you?

Denise C. Williams, CLC

Denisew@lifestylesols.com