Negative Stress: Coping with Disappointment

When in your recent past, say the last few months, have you found yourself truly disappointed in something or someone? Really. Think about it. Was it someone at work, a family member, an acquaintance or the commute traffic or the airport or the nightly news?

I remember my disappointment on the first day of my married life.....it was on my honeymoon. If you have ever been involved in planning a wedding, you know you can really go overboard trying to make everything perfect. I'll never forget how excited I was that my new husband and I would be taking our first trip to Hawaii. I'll also never forget how disappointed we were when we got to our gate in San Francisco early in the morning to find our flight had been canceled! In retrospect, it was just a hiccup, but it didn't seem so at the time.

Whether its a little disappointment or a big one, disappointment can contribute to negative stress, so let's take a look at what contributes to why we react the way we do and how we can prevent and cope with some of the negative stress in our lives.

Our expectations - in relationships - the situation is that we "expect" a person to behave or act in a certain way. We want and expect the husband or wife, family member, old or new friend, a boss, co-worker, or the person driving the car in the next lane to be all we have wanted them to be: kind, loving, open, cheerful, a courteous driver... whatever! Instead, they don't measure up to "our" self-imposed expectations. The disappointment can create enough anger and resentment to really cause the adrenaline to flow! Or even lead to some mild depression.

But, if we can let go of expecting a person to "measure up" to our own expectations and love them enough to let them be who they are, our perspective of that person/situation can change and when you change your perspective you will release the negative stress.

If your answer to our question involves a person or relationship, try this for the next few days: when you find yourself disappointed in the way the person has treated you, tell yourself they may have a self-contrived good reason and let it go. See if practicing this will keep your anger and anxiety at bay.

Our expectations - of our daily lives or our world - you've seen the news and the situation seems very dark and dire. Very disappointing! After all we are all civilized human beings, right? That is rightly what we should expect and disappointment might enable you to make a difference by spurring you to action.

But, suppose you take a trip and get stuck in an airport. It's chaos, your tired, you just want to go home and you can't. You have so many things to do waiting for you there. Here you are clear across the country or worse yet, in another country! This situation is definitely very disappointing! It makes you angry, irritated. You don't eat right because there is no food available. Again, we expect things to go according the plan.. After all, your ticket says you are going to be home on time. What is your reaction? Do you bark orders and questions to the airline staff? Do you sit there and focus on how awful it is? If you do that chances are your body will again start cascading adrenaline and a host of other not-so-wonderful hormones. It wreaks havoc on your immune system and you will probably not be able to fight off those airline germs because of it. You might find yourself finally home, nursing a cold or the flu. It has happened to all of us.

Can you trace your response back to your expectations or the reaction you have to not being in control of the situation and outcome? If you are used to being in control, this can really bother you.

One recommended stress management tool for this type of situation, is to realize in advance, what may happen and understand it and prepare for it. Can you make a list of helpful hints to remember before you go? Such as: get your seats assigned early when possible. Take along a few extra reading materiel you like, an MP3 player or IPOD or portable CD player with favorite music or better yet, a guided meditation CD will pass the time, block out some of the noise and cool your jets! Plan ahead!

I like "Meditations for Emotional Freedom" by Gael Chiarella, which you can get at Barnes & Nobel or Amazon.

What works for you?

Change your perspective, change your life......

Peace,
Denise Williams, CLC
Denisew@lifestylesols.com